Mystery Ass Smell

For the past week our downstairs closet has been stinking to high heaven. This closet is situated in the living room and is a walk-in the length of half of the living room, so it's big and has no closet light. Since all of the kids' toys get shoved in there at night, the closet gets thrown open every morning by the kids ready to ransack and pillage what's in there...and lately, every time they'd open the door a pestilent aroma would come jumping out at us and literally make me want to surrender my innards to the nearest toilet bowl.

Day after day I would go in there with a flashlight, pull out all the toys, search high and low for what the offended odor was coming from and every day would find nothing although the next day the mystery ass smell would come back with a vengeance. I was sure that there was a dirty diaper or rotting bottle of milk hidden in a crevice somewhere...that's what it smelled like. I prayed night and day that a sewer line hadn't burst underneath the house because, lord knows, that would be one unwelcome expense.

So, yesterday, my son decided he wanted to play with his tiny Legos. These are the kind his sister can't be around because she might decide to eat and then choke on one of those miniscule pieces and have thus been relegated to a high shelf in the closet. When I pulled down the Lego bucket the smell of death intensified and when I opened the Lego lid I was impaled in the face by noxious fumes that could easily have come from a rotting slice of roadkill....Legos? Really? What the hell? So I started sifting through the tiny pieces until I found, comfortably adhered to my finger, a rotting, hairy, slime covered piece of brocolli. Have mercy. I had no idea that a piece of broc no more than an inch tall could emanate such repugnance. And how on earth did brocolli make it in the Lego bucket?? So the mystery smell is solved, but now I have to figure out how my kids get their veggies to hide amongst their toys.....or is my husband the culprit?

Back to the Present

OK...so I think that's it when it comes to old posts from Confessions of a Model Mom that I wanted to transfer over here for posterity. I may have a couple more that may pop up now and then....but for now I'll be posting stuff that is live and current. I think I may have given a friend or two a coronary with some of my Confessions posts seeing as they mention my having morning sickness....but I AM NOT PREGNANT! Nor do I ever plan to be....ever again.

And my poor son, who is now 4 years old would kill me if he knew that anyone thought that my last Confessions post was anywhere near current. He's been using the toilet fully since he was 2 years old and I cannot imagine him dropping logs on the floor now. LOL! I mean, really....they are adult sized and I think I may have to move out of this house if that ever starts to happen. And the fact that I know how big they are is thanks to the fact that he is the male of the species and tends to leave the commode unflushed now and then on his way to rebuilding train tracks or Lego empires. His dad has taken the blame for those toilet bowl tea readings one too many times.

I'm off to go chase down the rugrats who are now in their dad's studio and I can hear CD's being tossed around. Never a dull moment. Always a boring one.

And the Simple Displeasures

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

have to share....and only parents will truly appreciate this one.....my son is on the verge of being fully potty trained.....at home at least. Once we are out of the house and he is in diapers, the poop and pee flow freely. Although wee forgot to change him pout of his big boy undies into a diaper when we went to run errands the other day and after 2 hours of being out, he was still bone dry when we got home....hmmmm. Anyways, I just can't get my boy to poop in the potty. He pees in it like a champ, but poop is a while different ball of, well, poop.
I was setting up the AC in his room yesterday when things got a little too quiet. All parents know what I mean by this. There is a difference between the quiet when one's child is playing and concentrating, and then there is the quiet that sets off our maternal instincts and just screams "TROUBLE!!!!!". Then I hear a "oh no, mama!" so I run into our bedroom and there is my naked son with a log of poop on the floor and poop footprints all around it. Apparently, this was a two logger and he had stepped in one of them.
Seeing as I have morning sickness pretty bad, this induced a far greater desire to vomit than it normally would. I ran him to the potty, had him flush the one solid piece and then proceeded to clean up the footprints......I used and entire can of Spot Shot and it looks like we are gonna have to steam clean anyways. Whatever my child had eaten earlier that day was potently pigmented. Nice. I have always wanted skid marks on my carpet. I still have no idea why my husband and I picked out a light beige carpet......must have been total and complete naivete.....Oh the joys of parenting.....

The Simple Pleasures

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

The things that make me happy nowadays are so random and so simple. Tonight my son ate a tremendous serving of brocolli alfredo pasta and a tall glass of milk for dinner. He has been shunning milk for almost two weeks now, so this came as a surprise. And even though he is a fairly good eater, albeit toddler-picky at times, he usually doesn't et as much as I'd like him to......but tonight was awesome. I seriously felt overjoyed. It's incredible how when you become a mother your heart fills to the brim when your child's tummy is full. Crazy.

My Confessional

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

Who is Model Mom? Well, I'm a Cuban-Hungarian mutt, born in Los Angeles but raised very non-LA. My childhood was typically dysfunctional although I came out of it with high morals and a pretty good value system. I went to college, graduated with a BA in English Lit with minors in Spanish and German. I got married, got divorced, started modeling, traveled the world. I lived in Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, Korea, Italy, Austria, with stops in many other places in between, then off to Miami, Los Angeles and Portland. Got into a bizarre courtship with a photographer, broke up, traveled some more, met my husband, got married again , had a baby boy, and started blogging.
I am a Gemini, a bibliophile and sometimes a hermit. I often wonder if I have become something of a misanthrope. I love my circle of friends with a Mafia like loyalty yet have a very hard time letting others into my inner circle, and this seems to become more so the older I get.
I despise talking on the phone for no real reason. I do, however, adore email and getting to read blog postings, etc. For some reason this is far less intimidating to me. I am impatient, opinionated, and intolerant of cheaters, liars, and other such miscreants. I speak five languages. I am a caffeine junkie. Despite my Cuban blood I can't salsa. I have split ends. Sometimes I check the front door to make sure it is locked a little too compulsively. (Am I OCD, or is that just part of growing up in LA?) I'd rather eat cheese than chocolate. I am disciplined and hard headed. I wish I could read people's auras.
I hate cooking yet love eating. I am a neat freak and border on the obsessive. I am fiercely independant and have a huge personal space bubble. I believe in raising my son with the best nutrition, education, and discipline possible. My son is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I want to live in Tuscany. I love shopping but am also very frugal. I am thinking of going into real estate when my son is in school.
I am terrified of the supernatural yet strangely attracted to stories about it. I like the color green. I love animals and children. I believe in some conspiracy theories. I can admit to how hard it is to be a parent. I feel as though I may be coming down with the flu. I believe in feng shui. I am a culture freak. And I pray at the altar of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.....he was a god. I miss my friends every day. I admire my husband for rising out of so much adversity and being the man he is today. I admire my father for all that he has endured and still endures yet is able to maintain such a sweet composure.
I can be very sarcastic. I have a wacky sense of humor. I am not very graceful. I am shy but pretend not to be. I have to lie about my age all the time (for work). I prefer NY to LA. I hate sports. I take vitamins religiously even though I eat a little too much junk food. I wish I was debt-free, and pray for financial peace of mind. I am permanently bitten by the travel bug. I'm an emotional sap, and I want to help everyone all the time. I need a pedicure and a vacation.
I'm sure there are a lot more things that I can add to this, but I'm hungry so I am signing off. Book is closing.....

Thanks for Lowering My Equity!

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)


I really wonder what makes some people take such little pride in their homes. After taking a stroll with my son today, I just had to sit down and write about this, contemplate on it a little.....because I just don't get it.
I pass way too many houses with four or more derelict vehicles parked on their front lawns. Cars, trucks, and campers that will never again feel the joys of the road moving beneath them. Houses with weeds growing waist high and promising excellent adventures to anyone willing to go on a dandelion safari. Trash heaps, broken down toys, rusty swingsets, boxes of random crap all just tossed on front lawns....why? Broken beer bottles....what the hell? And no, I don't live in an urban distress area, just a regular middle-class neighborhood....although I'm starting to wonder about this a little now.
I didn't grow up with much money, always lived in small apartments and rented houses with my family, but we always had house pride. We always kept things immaculate, inside and outside. So, I don't think lack of funds is justification for letting your property look like the city dump. And now that I'm a homeowner it irks me to no end that these people are and can actually lower the equity on my home. Who wants to buy a house near a property with a broken down sofa and recliner on the front lawn and a kiddie pool with swamp water in it left over from a summer 5 years ago? How do you go home at the end of the day or look out your window and not feel bad about living in such squalor? And I can't even imagine what the interior of these people's houses looks like.....
And since I do go on walks regularly, I notice who lives in some of these homes, and they are youngish and able bodied....so there's no excuse with the inhabitants being disabled or aged. I do also know that a lot of the houses in this area are rentals, but that again is no excuse in my eyes. Just becasue you don't actually own the home you live in doesn't mean you should let it fall to pieces. Come on people...a little house pride goes a long way!
I've gotten lucky with my neighbors on either side of me and the little old lady that lives across the street. We all take care of our homes, work on our gardens, mow, and don't use our lawns to store things that are better left at Goodwill. But half a block away....ugh....at one home someone actually left a box of tampons out for days...this is Oregon, it rains A LOT. You can imagine what happened to that box and it's contents after a few days. Expansion and explosion. Real attractive.
At another house that is ramshackle and who's fence is about to fall over the next time someone walks by it and sneezes, they have a brand new Chrysler 300 on chrome rims and a brand new Dodge Magnum, also adequately decorated, parked on what once could have been a rose bed. You have the money to buy new, non-economy cars & keep their gas tanks full, but you can't mow your lawn or fix your dilapitated garage door so you can park the cars inside? Interesting.
A move to the countryside or mountains might be a good thing for me. I would love to look out my windows and see pastoral views or a babbling brook and not 10 pizza boxes precariously balanced on a driveway.
Have mercy.

Medidate or Clone Myself?

(From Confesssions of a Model Mom)

I really am starting to think that ONE of me is just not enough. At any given moment I am literally doing three things at once, writing down a few other things I need to be doing, all the while chasing a rambunctious toddler and making sure my husband can find his keys. I really don't remember the last time I sat down for more than 10 consecutive minutes and just r-e-l-a-x-e-d.
I pour myself a cup of coffee in the morning and three hours later it is still there, I have taken maybe one sip and then jetted off to take care of a dirty diaper, a load of laundry, the cat who likes to pee on the floor if her litter box isn't prisitine, or a ringing phone. This cup of coffee will sit on the kitchen counter only to be reheated a minimum of four times before I actually get to take several swigs of it mid-leap over the coffee table as my son starts to pull down the stereo speakers. Can I just have someone clone me so that the real me can just sit back with a vat of java or tea and watch as all of this madness unfolds in front of me....like watching an episode of Nanny 911?!
And maybe I can get Ms. Clone to take over while I savor some lunch. Eating a full meal sitting down is a luxury only to be afforded when my son is asleep. Otherwise my meals are composed of a lot of snacks eaten always on the run and half digested. It is a miracle I havent yet developed IBS or some other fabulous intestinal condition.
Now, I have always been totally anal retentive and the epitome of a Type A personality. Neurotic? Yes. But that is a lot easier to handle when you are single and only have yourself to clean up after and take care of. Now that I have a son a husband and two cats (all of which need to be taken care of....yes, you married women know exactly what I mean by "all")...well....this neurosis has come to a head. So what do I do? Cloning would be great, yes, also impossible. Invest in a small valium factory? It's a nice little daydream. Start meditating? Yeah...that may be what I need to do. Time to let a little zen into my life. I am a feng shui freak about my house....but not about myself. Somewhere along the line I think I mixed up my list of priorities.
So...I guess that is one more thing to add to my list of daily duties. Meditation. Hmmm....maybe if I get good enough at it I'll learn to levitate....and I can levitate myself all the way to Palm Springs for a nice spa weekend.......

Sleeping in a Wind Tunnel

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

My husband has a new found obsession for sleeping with both the fan and the portable A/C on, full blast. And since he has to get up at 3 am a few nights a week for work he goes to bed far earlier than I do and is very sensitive to noise, etc. on those nights.
I had to preface with that since I'm sure a lot of you will wonder why I don't turn off or re-direct the damned cooling machines when I get into bed.....The poor guy's circadian rythms are off since he starts off the week getting home from work at midnight and ends the week having to be back at work at 4am. I, on the other hand, get my normal 8 hours unless my son is sick.
So, now that my hubby loves to have the white noise and cool air (which is nice, yes, when the weather is hot) I get to fall asleep with the wind in my hair and a cold blast air-injection in my nostrils. I could have sworn that last night I was sleeping on a truck bed going down the Autobahn at 150 mph. I tried covering my head with the comforter, but then nearly suffocated.....apparently I no longer have the ability to sleep under the covers like I did as a child, when I would make tents out of my bedsheets and fall aslepp under them pretending I was lost in the woods.
I am not crazy about getting windburn while I sleep, nor have I ever had the ambition of owning a convertible car....much less sleeping in one. I am really starting to anticipate winter......when I can hide the A/C and all the fans....deep in the bowels of our garage.

Get Off the Road!

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

There are some days, today for one, when I drive around town to run a few errands or go to a job, and I am just flabbergasted at the driving skills (or lack thereof) of a lot of the people I am sharing the road with. I was born and raised in Los Angeles and I thought that when I moved to Portland, Oregon I would notice a difference in the way people drive.....wrong! Despite the fact that in LA, at any given time of the day you are not going faster than 10 mph on the freeway because of the traffic and everyone drives a luxury SUV, people in Portland drive just as horribly.
Apparently, using the turn signals is not a skill deemed necessary by the DMV for people to obtain a driver's license. And when someone does use a turn signal to change lanes, say, on the freeway, it seems like most people find it appropriate to speed up therefore prohibiting the person using their blinker to change lanes and in many instances miss their exit.
I also love and appreciate those individuals who find it difficult to go the speed limit....ever. There are the ones who drive 10 miles below the speed limit which inevitably materialize in front of your car everytime you need to get somewhere in a hurry....especially when you are on a one lane road. And then there are the maniacal drivers who always seem to be driving some enormous tank-like vehicle and who insist on going twice as fast as the law allows and end up tailgating you 2 inches from your back bumper, flashing their brights and yelling obscenities. Nothing makes me feel more secure, especially when my son is in the backseat.
People who drift across lanes without checking their mirrors or blindspots are always fun too or who open their car doors after parking and leave them wide open so that you cringe as you drive past barely skimming their doors or their backsides as they bend over into their front seat to scrounge up some change for the meter. These kinds of drivers make your everyday driving expereince turn into something akin to an obstacle course video game....and I am just not able to comprehend how people this completely out of it can possibly pass any type of driving test.
And of course there are the miscreants who get loaded and decide that a liter of whisky or a pipeful of crack can't possibly impair their driving abilities.....
One of these days I am going to wrap my car in industrial strength bubble wrap and install a neon light on the back of my car telling tailgaters to back-off......until then I guess I just have to keep on white knuckling it and holding my breath every time I get behind the wheel.

Men and Their Missing Toilet Paper Gene

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)


What is it about men and their utter lack of the ability to replace toilet paper rolls? I just don't understand this. My husband NEVER replaces the toilet paper roll, and then will call me from the opposite end of the house to ask me to please bring him a new roll as he is stuck in a compromising position....when right under the bathroom sink there is an entire package of the stuff. Have mercy!
And my hubby isn't the only man I know that does this. Add my father to the line-up, all of my friend's boyfriends and husbands, brothers, uncles, and every male roomate I have ever had. I think that men honestly lack the gene that allows them to replace toilet paper rolls, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this is the same gene that would make lowering the toilet seat automatic...and in some cases just plain flushing.
Neanderthals probably used their hands or whatever leaf was laying nearby therefore eradicating the need to replace a roll or know the geographical location of such item in their caves. But come on now....this is the 21st century and someone has got to come up with some sort of medication that will enable the male of the species to have good bathroom etiquette. Is that too much to ask?!

Baby Formula is NOT Evil.

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

I met another mom yesterday, a new mom with a 2 month old little girl. We were at the park and being the only two moms there we struck up a conversation. In that all too familiar way new moms can become an open book when they get to finally be around another adult, she let me know how upset and depressed she was because she has not been able to exclusively breastfeed, has been supplementing with formula, and is trying to decide if she should just feed her baby formula. This impromptu meeting inspired me to write this blog in defense of formula feeders, and to banish some of the fear and guilt being fed to them.
Ever since I had my son 18 months ago, I have been running into more and more moms who are battling with this unnecessary guilt about formula feeding. They have become subjects to the growing, overwhelmingly judgemental "Breast is Best" movement, or lactivism, as it is called in some circles. There is no doubt that breastmilk is the gold standard in infant nutrition, but what so many overly opinionated women and men need to realize is that breastfeeding is not an option for everyone, despite what the La Leche League likes to tout. Some women have medical/health issues that do not allow them to breastfeed, others are on medication that could pass through their milk and affect their baby adversely, and yes, believe it or not, there are women who actually cannot lactate or do so very minimally no matter how much pumping, fenugreek tea drinking, and lactation consultant visitng they do. Are these women to be made to feel as though they are inferior mothers because of their inability to nurse? What kind of a society do we live in where this type of judgement can be so freely passed?
Infant formula nowadays is made with all of the nutrients and vitamins that a growing baby needs. Products like Enfamil Lipil contain DHA/ARA which can be found in breastmilk and enhance a babies brain and eye development. And, studies have shown that in many cases that formula actually has more DHA/ARA and vitamins that a baby needs compared to the breastmilk of mothers who do not have adequate diets that include Omega 3's. For those who chose an organic lifestyle, Horizon makes organic formulas. If a baby is lactose intolerant there are a myriad of formulas to try such as soy based ones, lactose free, and pre-digested ones. There is no reason why a mother who choses or has to feed her baby formula should feel that she is giving her baby inadequate nutrition. Her baby will thrive!
As for the fear that is fed to new mothers regarding their babies immune system and IQ levels.....breastmilk does pass on the mother's antibodies, however, it is not the be all end all. And if you do chose to formula feed, your baby will not, and I repeat, will not be sicker than her breastfed counterparts. I have been around copious amounts of babies and toddlers since having my son, and beforehand as well. My mother and aunt have been in Early Childhood Education for over 20 years each. In my observations, particularly with my son and his peers, I have noticed that the breastfed tots get sick just as often if not more than the formula fed ones. My son was formula fed from 6 weeks of age until he was a year old. He drinks whole milk now, is 18 months old and has only had 3 minor colds. His two closest friends were both exclusively breastfed, and have had innumerable bouts with ear and sinus infections. One has even had to have tubes put in his ears. No, formula wont make your baby more prone to sickness. My son, and many others are living proof of that.
As for higher IQ's, my son has reached his physicall and developmental milestones before his breastfed buddies have. So has formula been detrimental to his IQ? I think not. Plus, it is not too hard to figure out that a child's IQ develops further while being exposed to the arts, music, a multilingual environment, mental and physical stimulation, etc. IQ is not determined by breast or bottle alone. In a more long term view, I was given whole milk, not formula and not breastmilk as a baby and not only do I rarely get sick, but I was tested as having an IQ of 160 when I was only 5 years old. Not being breastfed certainly didn't do me any harm! LOL!
When it comes to bonding, I have noticed that babies who are bottlefed and their mothers are just as bonded to each other as their breastfed counterparts. Plus, the fathers of the babies wo are bottlefed are allowed to share in the feeding bond as well. Of course if you pump and feed breastmilk from a bottle this works just as well, but I am speaking in response to the the breastmilk extremists who insist that a baby shouldn't even touch a bottle for fear that they will develop "nipple confusion".
And to those moms concerned with losing wight....how many times do we hear that breasfeeding is what makes a mother lose pregnancy weight faster? Hmmm, well, I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans (size 2) 8 weeks after I gave birth, and I only breastfed exclusively for a week, then supplemented and at 6 weeks my son was exclusively on formula. Most of my breastfeeding friends are still not back in shape with the exception of two, one who is a marathon runner and the other a dancer. When you breastfeed your calorie count should be higher in order to produce adequate nutrients in your milk and also studies have shown that for many women rigorous excercise can deplete their milk supply.
I was one of those moms ridden with guilt and feelings of inadequacy as a mother and woman becusie my milk barely came in and then dried up. I was told that I was poisoning my child with formula, treated like a pariah, and chastised everywhere from mommy groups to the supermarket when I was buying formula. I had a lactation consultant tell me that I needed to stop feeding my 2 week old son at 6pm and not give him anything until she could come to see me the next morning at 9. Starve my newborn for 15 hours! Unsepakable, but true. I have read several reports (the book "Bottlefeeding Without Guilt" is an excellent resource) where infants have died or been brain damaged because they were jaundiced ir dehydrated due to the mothers low milk supply, but they were told not to touch formula, that their milk would eventually come in. Come on! This is not true for every woman! Needless to say I cancelled the appointment and fed my son formula until his belly was full. That is what made me a better mother. Answering my child's cries of hunger, getting over the guilt and just loving him unconditionally.
I apologize if anything I have written offends anyone. I feel strongly on this subject because too many people bash formula feeding without a thought on the harm they are causing the women who make that nutritional choice for their babies. I wanted to breastfeed, couldn't, was made to feel like a monster for it, I got my facts straight, got over it and now want others that are in the situation I was in to feel like there is someone on their side and that the choice they make is just fine. Women who defend formula are said to be bitter or jealous of breastfeeders, but this is not so. Formula has so many benefits that we have no reason to be bitter or jealous. Our babies are healthy and loving and beautiful. We just need to let the newbies know that they are awesome moms, they are not alone and that at the end of the day all that matters is that you love your child. And love does not come from a bottle or a breast. It comes from the heart and soul.

I Heart Asia

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

I love Asia. 100%. I have traveled to and worked in Japan, Taiwan, Korea and Hong Kong and have adored every last minute of my time spent there. And I am counting down the days until my son turns 3, because that is when I am whisking him and my husband off for a tour of the Golden Triangle.
My first trip to Asia was when I first started modeling. I got picked up by an agency in Portland and within 3 weeks had landed a 2 month contract to work in Taipei. I had lived in Europe as a student and visited family in Hungary on several occasions so going overseas was nothing new to me. But I was in for a surprise. A shock ot the senses....in a good way! Landing in Taipei I was picked up and driven to the hotel where I would live with a handful of other models for 8 weeks. On the drive into town I stared in wonder at the magnificent temples and buildings, at the assault to my eyes of neon lights in Chinese script that could put all the glitter of Las Vegas to shame. I was in awe. My experiences in Japan, Korea and Hong Kong were the same. In Japan I worked in Osaka and Tokyo, In Korea I stayed in Seoul. All magnificent, energy filled cities.....so full of life and bustle that I never had a chance to feel bored.
I was always treated royally while in Asia. My bookers were always kind and accomodating. They watched over us like mother hens and took us to all of our castings making sure we would not have to struggle with the language barrier too much. They made sure we had enough money for food and entertainment (not to mention shopping which is an art form in much of Asia). My clients were always professional although I would work incredibly long hours, especially in Taiwan, but I was always well fed, had someone standing next to me with a bottle of water should I get thirsty, and was showered with compliments...some pretty funny considering that phrases don't always translate very well from Chinese, Japanese, etc. into English. The magazines and catalogs I shot for were beautifully executed, and honestly, I have never had more amazing hair and make-up done than in Taiwan. It is an art form there.
During my free time, my roomates and I would get to explore the cities by foot or public transportation. We got to taste incredible albeit sometimes strange food from little streetside stands. We'd find Night Markets to go shopping in and people watch. The Shih-Lin Nightmarket in Taipei is one of my favorites. You can find EVERYTHINg there and for ridiculously cheap. We would purposefully "get lost" and end up stumbling opon snake blood ceremonies, or some little tucked away Buddhist shrine. In Japan we would go to Harajaku and check out all the local Japanese fashion which ranges from the traditional to the outrageous, or hang out in the VIP's of clubs like Tokyo's Lexington Queen (their smaller yet as notorious version of Studio 54) sipping Sing Slings and watching the likes of Justin Timberlake & Leo DiCaprio pick up on underage models.
I have found that the poeple in the Asian countries that I have spent time in are open, generous and friendly. Although more often than not my friends and I would stick out like sore thumbs, what with our light hair and eyes, we were never stared at or treated as if we were "different". I miss Asia....a lot. I miss the kindness of the people, the high energy of the cities, the beauty of their temples and parks, the food, the nightlife, the shopping (after all I am a girl!). I miss the feeling of being somewhere steeped in so much ancient history you cannot even begin to put your mind around it all. I miss the friends that I made there, both native and non. I miss how safe I always felt even while walking alone at night in the middle of cities overwhelmingly populated. I just plain miss it.
So if any of you have any plans to travel to Asia, or are just thinking of a possible exotic destiantion....be it for work or pleasure....take it from me, check out any of these countries I have mentioned and you will not be disappointed. Taiwan is at the top of my list, but all are to be equally enjoyed. And maybe I'll see ya there, eating dumplings from a cart or buying a handcrafted wooden Buddha in a quaint incense infused shop. It's as magical as it sounds.

The Halves of Motherhood

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)


Okay, so I've decided that being a mom means only having half of everything (and more often than not, even just a quarter of said things). At the end of each day when my kids are asleep I look back at the preceding 12 or so hours and think to myself how I just can't seem to get anything done in its entirety.
All day, every day, I only get the time to empty half of my bladder (or bowels for that matter.....and once you are a mom, "TMI" goes out the window my friends....) before it becomes deathly silent or terribly raucous and I KNOW my three year old is cooking up some trouble.
I only get to take half a shower more often than I care to remember....you know, you are in the shower because your kids just happen to both be napping at the same time by some grace of the Divinities only to hear the baby wake up screaming so you have to jump out dripping wet with shampoo in your eyes. My meals are always left half eaten because God forbid I can get through an entire sandwich or cup of coffee before I am being hailed with desperation to fix a train track or change a diaper fit for the HAZMAT team. I usually only get half dressed when off to run an errand with the brood in tow.....I can't be bothered to change completely when I have to make sure I have enough diapers for the baby and snacks for the toddler to make it through a marathon grocery trip (during which time I end up getting only half of what I need because my son is screaming that he dropped the green gummy bear and is completely inconsolable), so I end up wearing either real bottoms and my pj top or the other way around.
Oftentimes I end up only getting through half a blog post or email before I have to go play supermom and save the day by rescuing my son from the impending doom of a pin prick sized spider that happened to make its way into his room, or take half a nap as I am starting to doze off, eyes grainy & heavy only to hear "maaaamaaaaa, i'm awaaaaake!" 45 minutes too soon. I speak to my husband in half sentences and don't even bother answering the phone since those conversations would end after about three words......kids always seem to find it appropriate to perform death defying acts of extreme sport-ism when a mother is on the horn.
Nothing I start to do EVER gets done any more! And I am that totally neurotic, Type A, anal retentive kind of chick that needs everything to be done on time and perfectly. I'm a list maker for sure,and at the end of the day I get all knotted up if my "to do's" aren't "too done". But such is motherhood.....maybe I should take up yoga or meditation to help me deal with this so I can just let go and be okay with my half life.......yeah right. Somehow, I don't think you can do half a session of yoga or meditation and have it really work.......maybe half a valium? With a half a martini? Hmmmmm.

Men & Their Missing Toilet Paper Gene

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)



What is it about men and their utter lack of the ability to replace toilet paper rolls? I just don't understand this. My husband NEVER replaces the toilet paper roll, and then will call me from the opposite end of the house to ask me to please bring him a new roll as he is stuck in a compromising position....when right under the bathroom sink there is an entire package of the stuff. Have mercy!
And my hubby isn't the only man I know that does this. Add my father to the line-up, all of my friend's boyfriends and husbands, brothers, uncles, and every male roomate I have ever had. I think that men honestly lack the gene that allows them to replace toilet paper rolls, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this is the same gene that would make lowering the toilet seat automatic...and in some cases just plain flushing.
Neanderthals probably used their hands or whatever leaf was laying nearby therefore eradicating the need to replace a roll or know the geographical location of such item in their caves. But come on now....this is the 21st century and someone has got to come up with some sort of medication that will enable the male of the species to have good bathroom etiquette. Is that too much to ask?!

Digital or Film?

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

I've been doing a lot of thinking when it comes to which is better, digital or film. And I've come to the conclusion that it depends on what you are using them for.

When I was traveling for work and while studying abroad I loved having film (Lord knows digi wasn't readily availabe back then! LOL!). I never had problems with my film being exposed in the airport x-ray machines, and there was something so exciting about turning in those rolls of film at a random little photo/camera shop, trying to explain with signs , some English and some Chinese or Italian (or whatever language of the particular country I was in at the time), how many copies of each I wanted, etc. And then coming back the next day to rip thorugh the envelope and see what pictures had been taken while in a drunken stupor, or with the wide -eyed excitement of being a kid abroad. Then there were always the pictures that were taken by an overly creative friend or two when I would leave my camara unattended. This element of surprise is completely non-existant with digital cameras. Just sitting around with your friends laughing at your photgraphic antics, or staring in awe at the sunset that you didn't think would turn out on film.....there's something so special about that, and it's irreplaceable by the latest technology.

On the other hand, I have a 19 month old son now, and I bought a digital camera right before he was born. I cannot imagine using anything other than digi with him. It has been so wonderful to be able to upload the dizzying amounts of pictures I take of him every day and email them to my family and friends in a matter of minutes. And I love being able to see whether or not I caught him in all his glory or if he turned his head at the last minute while I was shooting. Having a digi has made it possible for me to take and keep a ton of beautiful, quirky, and fun pictures of my son and our family. I know that with film I'd end up with maybe one or two good shots per roll and what a waste that would be! Kids move so fast.....being able to look back at what you just shot lets you know if you need to continue running after the little one like the paparazzi behind Britney or if you caught that mischievous smile perfectly the first time around.

So why not have both? Professional photographers have cameras that are compatible with both digital and film backs. It would be nice to find a camera for us regular photo taking joes that has a similar set up and that is compact enough to carry around in a purse or pocket. Maybe something like that already exists and I'm just a little behind the times (read my blog on MP3 players to see what I'm talking about! LOL!) I just know I would be the first in line to buy one of these combo cameras (given they are affordable!). Otherwise I'll be hanging on to my film as well as my digi for as long as necessary.

MP3 Player....What??

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

I am starting to think that I am the last person on the planet that still plays CDs and an occasional casette tape. Everywhere I look there is someone attached to an MP3 player, rockin out, dancin at the bus stop, walking down the grocery aisle, going for a jog, sitting in an airplane.....my God, when did I get so old! Where did these things come from and how did they pop up out of nowhere?

Now, I can totally see the appeal. They are compact, you can download songs without purchasing an entire CD that may only have one good song on it, and the rest are crap, and they look pretty cute too. I really could have used one of these when I was living out of a suitcase for four years traveling for work.....but there was something so nice about having to check-in an extra piece of luggage containing all of my favorite CDs.

I also really enjoyed having my discman skip mid song just because someone a few feet in front of me sneezed or decided to take a step. Owning an MP3 player would have just ruined all that fun & suspense for me.....and why don't I buy one now? Well, I guess I am getting old. I don't really want to shell out the cash for one, and I do kind of like my collection of CD's...and I figure, if I wait long enough maybe they'll come out with an earpiece inplant and then I wont have to worry about tripping over headphone wires and such. Hmmmm.....

I guess that gone are the days when you could walk down the street with a ghetto blaster on your shoulder, when you could kick back in your car listening to your 8 track....and records...well, I have a few of those I am holding on to. I may take them to the Antiques Roadshow the next time they are in town....and I may take my tapes and CD's as well.....

Models Suck!

I'm uncomfortable telling people outside of the Industry what I do for a living. Why? Because of all the stigma attached to it. And I am talking fashion modelng here, not porn or any of the stuff that falls under that category. Real models do not consider skin mag girls and guys to be actual models....but that is a story for another time.

You cannot imagine how irritating it is to have people assume you dont eat or snort an 8 ball a day to stay thin, and how much more annoying it is to have people assume that you are a vapid mannequin. I can tell you honestly that I met more girls with eating disorders and substance abuse issues while I was in college than I have met while modeling.

For the most part, the male and female models that I have met and worked with have been intelligent, well spoken and well read. They have been cultured and open minded. They have enjoyed the gastronomical delights that abound in all of the fashion capitals without hesitation....Milan, Paris, NY, you name it. And believe me, this is true.....you can not imagine how many pints of gelato and how many burgers, pizza, pasta, paninos and just junk food in general the majority oif these skinny people can put down! Without making it come back up, if you catch my drift.

And food is so often free when you're a model. Agencies, magazines, celebrities, public relations heads all throw dinners at high end restaruants, all the time, and of course the models attend in droves. But in the "real" world we are always faced with snide remarks about our weight and how we need to "eat more" or "have a cheeseburger".....come on! I remember being at a family reunion and everyone asking if there was a salad for me since I had to watch my figure. WTF? Was that something I asked for? No. I wanted a piece of the prime rib too dammit! And then to have poeple actually stare while I eat and make under the breath comments if I have to actually get up and pee after dinner...no, I am not puking, so get over it. This is my genetic makeup, thank you very much. Models everywhere, and other thin non-models know exactly what I am talking about.

As for models being stupid....wrong again. I have met so many girls and guys plucked from the backwoods of Estonia or the montes of Brazil speaking not a word of English, only to be dropped in Paris, Milan, NY or London to sink or swim, and they end up speaking fluently in both the native language of the country they are placed in PLUS English in a matter of months. I wouldnt call that stupid. We have to be our own managers really, keep track of contracts, vouchers, taxes, work visas, schedules, conflicts, etc.....can't be a moron and do all that. We are introduced to a new city at random with just a map and a bus ticket and told to make our way to 12 castings in one day, thank you, bye! And we do it, and many of these models are nothing more than kids, 15, 16 years old. It's pretty amazing I would say. Older models I have met have college educations under their belts or are in school part time to get masters degrees, they can wax eloquent on anything ranging from art history to geography to pop culture and theology....in several languages mind you. Not bad.
(From Confessions of a Model Mom)


And on the topic of drug & booze. Like I said in the beginning, there are always bad seeds in any group. Yes I have met some outrageous guys and girls, both modeling and in everyday life. But for the most part, my model friends just know how to have a good time and when to stop and no one has had to enter a rehab yet. Parties do abound, and we do attend....I mean, who wouldnt want to go to one of P.Diddy's parties in South Beach? But it is all in fun, and I have yet to see a model, personally, strung out or withdrawing. I've helped a few friends to the toilet bowl for a good gut cleansing (and who's kidding, I've had friends help me too) but that, my friends, is something we have ALL done.

Now, do I want my son to grow up and be a model? Well, since I got no support from my parents in chosing this career, and know how awful that feels, of course I would support my son if he chooses to follow my footsteps. It would be great for him to get paid to travel the world, meet interesting people, and make money at the same time. But, since I do know how stigmatized this profession is, I would of course rather he not have to deal with the negativity.

So, do models suck? I can say no with confidence. My best friends are models, and I love them like family and miss them every day. They are multidimensional, wonderful people. Are there bad models out there....of course, but there are bad lawyers, and doctors, and receptionists, and authors, and street cleaners, and engineers...and the list goes on.

And I am not going to end with the infamous "don't hate us because we're beautiful", because to be honest, when we are not in castings or in front of the camera we look like crap. We live in sweats, old jeans, flip flops, and messy hair!

I'm a Caffeine Junkie

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

I used to rarely drink coffee. Always loved the smell of it brewing, but just didn't like the taste or the fact that caffeine is supposed to be so bad for you. And then I became a mother. Now I can't start or finish my day without several mugs full of java, black, with cream, sugar, whatever. I don't care what form it comes in, I'll take it. Chocolate covered coffee beans? Pass em over! Caffeine IV drip? Sure, why not! And yes, I do love the taste now, definitely acquired a taste, if not an addiction to it.

And it is unfortunate that I didnt acquire a taste for this nectar of the gods before having my son. I used to travel as a fashion model to Milan, Italy where coffee reigns supreme and people sit sipping cups of it for hours at little tables. I loved the romance and thought of it but could never really get to the bottom of my capuccinos....just wasn't into them. I guess all my late nights out partying with the other fashionistas just weren't really all that exhausting! Italian wine on the other hand, I partook of that freely, joyously, and probably a little too plentifully, but my cure for a hangover from hell was never a cup o joe...it was a cheeseburger and some fries. And maybe some water. Had I discovered the joys of coffee then.....I may have been able to work double duty on my social schedule....or maybe that wouldnt have been the best idea...hmmm..

But being a mother of a precocious and wildly active toddler (boy, no less) is the most exhausting (and miraculous no less) thing I have ever done! Far more exhausting than staying up dancing until the crack of dawn. This child sleeps like a champ all night long but during the day he is go go go. I swear his little legs are a blur as he runs, jumps, chases, skips, and just plain zooms all over the house, yard or wherever else we may be. Chasing him is enough to be considered an aerobic sport, watching him is akin to running a marathon. The daily decathlon this child goes through, with me at his side, leaves yours truly breathless, sweating and in constant need of a recharge...hence my beautiful new friend coffee. Oh coffee how I love thee.......and thank God, now studies show that coffee can actually be beneficial to your health, it being a great source of antioxidents. Antioxidize me baby!! And pass that IV drip!

My Motel 6 Nightmare

And here is the first of my "old" posts from "Confessions of a Model Mom" which was my first blog ever.....I love some of these old posts and think that they help to let everyone know the status of my sanity or insanity.....

So...enjoy!

*************************************

So I am back from my trip to San Diego where I had to work on a fashion shoot for the past two days. My clients were amazingly nice, the weather was gorgeous, especially after living here in Oregon where it has been raining for 27 consecutive days, and my paycheck will be nice and chunky when I get it......but man, can I just tell you how absolutely, incredibly, mortifyingly nasty my lodging was? Since I had to pay for my own hotel (mostly, when you get booked for an out of town job, the clients pay for all travel expenses, but this was a smaller client) I figured I'd book at a Motel 6, save some money and that way end up with a bigger cut when I get paid.

In the past my experience with Motel 6's have been fine, clean, spartan, comfortable. Just a place to take a hot shower and watch some TV then fall asleep. My husband and I have stayed at these a few times on our trips up and down the I-5 to and from LA. No problems, and cheap which is always good. So I thought I had nothing to lose with the one in San Diego.....it's a chain with the same standards for eah location right? Boy was I wrong!!!!

I check in after hours and the girl that comes to the desk after I ring the bell 6 times, yes I counted, just says "We're sold out." WTF?! Are you serious? So I tell her I have a reservation, she looks at me with some attitude and then seees I'm right, hands me a key and I am off, exhausted, to my room. Small, plain, it's what I expected but with a musty odor. I can deal with that for two nights. I sart to unpack and hear a dripping sound coming from the bathroom. I walk over and turn on the light which is as dim as a nightlight, and start to look for the source of the drip. Not the sink, not the showerhead, not the bathtub.....then *splash*, a huge drop lands square on my head. I look up and there is a sagging bubble of paint, drywall and water hanging from the ceiling over the middle of the bathtub. Evidently the bathroom upstairs is having some overflowage problems and the ceiling is now severely waterlogged.

I call the front desk at which time the girl tells me again that there are no more rooms available. I end up leaving the TV on all night so that I dont have to hear that infernal dripping all night long. The next day as I get ready to head for the studio I tell the deskworker the issue with what has overnight become a virtual waterfall flowing from the ceiling and leave. 7 hours later I return to find that there are huge fans blowing up at the bathroom ceiling and paintbrushes on the counters and IN the toilet. I am tired from working all day, covered in too much make-up and by now completely irritated. So I walk back to the reception desk and they proceed to give me a key to another room.

Ok, things are getting better, right? I walk into my new room, a blue carpeted carbon copy of the former one, only I am excited to find that this room has a remote control for the TV! What luxury!! So I'm happy. I start to get ready for a shower and bed and find that the toilet seat has been left up, so I push it down with my foot (thank God) and find a large smear of feces on the toilet seat. This is NO JOKE. I about vomited. I called the front desk and they said that noone was available to clean it until morning. Fantastic. I threw a towel over it so I wouldn't have to look at it and decided I wouldn't be using the loo until I got to the studio for work the next morning. I turn on the shower....and voila! No water pressure and no hot water. So I end up shivereing like mad and shaving off my goosebumps which we all know feels sublime. Run to turn the heater on which blows out cold air only, put on my pajamas and turn over the sheets to find a dark stain on the mattress (I could see through the thin white bedsheet) which I can only guess is blood from some other unfortunate person that had to stay here and to top it all off there is a wad of gum stuck to the floor next to the bed and a booger (yes, I swear) stuck to the bedside lamp.

I have NEVER, EVER had such an awful hotel/motel expereince in my life and I have traveled as a model for over 6 years. I have been all over the world and in most of the major cities in the US and although I am not always booked into the Ritz or the Four Seasons, I've had my share of model's apartments where I've had to live in a one bedroom the size of a shoebox with 4 other girls, but this was simply outrageous. I just didnt know if I should laugh or cry! Needless to say I am hopping onto the Motel 6 website and filing a complaint. A couple of nights in prison might have been less disturbing. My Motel 6 days are over. I will shell out the extra money to stay somewhere clean! Clean...is that too much to ask! Now I am home, thank the Lord, with my husband and son, and a pristine bathroom, bedroom and all the hot water I could ever ask for! And the only poop I have to clean up is my toddlers!

OBAMA MAMA!!!!!!

I just have to step in and say how freakin happy and proud I am that we voted for and got OBAMA as our next president! This is HUGE! EPIC! A BLESSING for the world!!!! The hope this gives me for this country and for my children to have a good life here is enormous!

And I shall return with some more posts....rants....good stuff...soon!

Let Me Intro Myself a Little....

So...where do I begin? Well, I have been blogging for about 4 years now...ever since I became a mom. I've always loved writing but took about 6 years to travel the world as a fashion model which limited my writing to random emails I'd force on anyone who dared read them....my end of season monologues as my friend, Jeremy, liked to call them.

After I had my son I decided to explore this thing called the blogosphere and became hooked. I started writing on smaller social blogsites which is where my original mom turned model blog was born and then about 2 years ago I decided to start chronicling my adventures as a fashion model living abroad. That one is still a work in progress and can be found at:

http://middlemodel.blogspot.com

I still work as a fashion model part-time while I take care of my preschooler and toddler full-time. My experiences as a mother often leave me mindboggled, elated, exhausted, embarrassed, and content. There are days I can't get enough of my kids and others where I want to hop on the first plane out of the States so I can take a breather and a vow of silence. Every night I go to bed with a dozen new gray hairs on my head and a mind spinning with all the events of the day...so this is where Model Mom Diaries comes into play....this will be my confessional, my sounding board...call it what you will. I am gonna tell it like it is when it comes to being a mom and what it's like to juggle a career that requires me to be fabulous when mostly I just want to curl up in bed and sleep for another month.

I'm gonna start off by posting some of my older stories from my other site that is now defunct...stories that I think will help ease you into getting to know me.....so check in often and enjoy the caffeinated ride that is my life!

Bisous!