Mystery Ass Smell

For the past week our downstairs closet has been stinking to high heaven. This closet is situated in the living room and is a walk-in the length of half of the living room, so it's big and has no closet light. Since all of the kids' toys get shoved in there at night, the closet gets thrown open every morning by the kids ready to ransack and pillage what's in there...and lately, every time they'd open the door a pestilent aroma would come jumping out at us and literally make me want to surrender my innards to the nearest toilet bowl.

Day after day I would go in there with a flashlight, pull out all the toys, search high and low for what the offended odor was coming from and every day would find nothing although the next day the mystery ass smell would come back with a vengeance. I was sure that there was a dirty diaper or rotting bottle of milk hidden in a crevice somewhere...that's what it smelled like. I prayed night and day that a sewer line hadn't burst underneath the house because, lord knows, that would be one unwelcome expense.

So, yesterday, my son decided he wanted to play with his tiny Legos. These are the kind his sister can't be around because she might decide to eat and then choke on one of those miniscule pieces and have thus been relegated to a high shelf in the closet. When I pulled down the Lego bucket the smell of death intensified and when I opened the Lego lid I was impaled in the face by noxious fumes that could easily have come from a rotting slice of roadkill....Legos? Really? What the hell? So I started sifting through the tiny pieces until I found, comfortably adhered to my finger, a rotting, hairy, slime covered piece of brocolli. Have mercy. I had no idea that a piece of broc no more than an inch tall could emanate such repugnance. And how on earth did brocolli make it in the Lego bucket?? So the mystery smell is solved, but now I have to figure out how my kids get their veggies to hide amongst their toys.....or is my husband the culprit?

Back to the Present

OK...so I think that's it when it comes to old posts from Confessions of a Model Mom that I wanted to transfer over here for posterity. I may have a couple more that may pop up now and then....but for now I'll be posting stuff that is live and current. I think I may have given a friend or two a coronary with some of my Confessions posts seeing as they mention my having morning sickness....but I AM NOT PREGNANT! Nor do I ever plan to be....ever again.

And my poor son, who is now 4 years old would kill me if he knew that anyone thought that my last Confessions post was anywhere near current. He's been using the toilet fully since he was 2 years old and I cannot imagine him dropping logs on the floor now. LOL! I mean, really....they are adult sized and I think I may have to move out of this house if that ever starts to happen. And the fact that I know how big they are is thanks to the fact that he is the male of the species and tends to leave the commode unflushed now and then on his way to rebuilding train tracks or Lego empires. His dad has taken the blame for those toilet bowl tea readings one too many times.

I'm off to go chase down the rugrats who are now in their dad's studio and I can hear CD's being tossed around. Never a dull moment. Always a boring one.

And the Simple Displeasures

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

have to share....and only parents will truly appreciate this one.....my son is on the verge of being fully potty trained.....at home at least. Once we are out of the house and he is in diapers, the poop and pee flow freely. Although wee forgot to change him pout of his big boy undies into a diaper when we went to run errands the other day and after 2 hours of being out, he was still bone dry when we got home....hmmmm. Anyways, I just can't get my boy to poop in the potty. He pees in it like a champ, but poop is a while different ball of, well, poop.
I was setting up the AC in his room yesterday when things got a little too quiet. All parents know what I mean by this. There is a difference between the quiet when one's child is playing and concentrating, and then there is the quiet that sets off our maternal instincts and just screams "TROUBLE!!!!!". Then I hear a "oh no, mama!" so I run into our bedroom and there is my naked son with a log of poop on the floor and poop footprints all around it. Apparently, this was a two logger and he had stepped in one of them.
Seeing as I have morning sickness pretty bad, this induced a far greater desire to vomit than it normally would. I ran him to the potty, had him flush the one solid piece and then proceeded to clean up the footprints......I used and entire can of Spot Shot and it looks like we are gonna have to steam clean anyways. Whatever my child had eaten earlier that day was potently pigmented. Nice. I have always wanted skid marks on my carpet. I still have no idea why my husband and I picked out a light beige carpet......must have been total and complete naivete.....Oh the joys of parenting.....

The Simple Pleasures

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

The things that make me happy nowadays are so random and so simple. Tonight my son ate a tremendous serving of brocolli alfredo pasta and a tall glass of milk for dinner. He has been shunning milk for almost two weeks now, so this came as a surprise. And even though he is a fairly good eater, albeit toddler-picky at times, he usually doesn't et as much as I'd like him to......but tonight was awesome. I seriously felt overjoyed. It's incredible how when you become a mother your heart fills to the brim when your child's tummy is full. Crazy.

My Confessional

(From Confessions of a Model Mom)

Who is Model Mom? Well, I'm a Cuban-Hungarian mutt, born in Los Angeles but raised very non-LA. My childhood was typically dysfunctional although I came out of it with high morals and a pretty good value system. I went to college, graduated with a BA in English Lit with minors in Spanish and German. I got married, got divorced, started modeling, traveled the world. I lived in Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, Korea, Italy, Austria, with stops in many other places in between, then off to Miami, Los Angeles and Portland. Got into a bizarre courtship with a photographer, broke up, traveled some more, met my husband, got married again , had a baby boy, and started blogging.
I am a Gemini, a bibliophile and sometimes a hermit. I often wonder if I have become something of a misanthrope. I love my circle of friends with a Mafia like loyalty yet have a very hard time letting others into my inner circle, and this seems to become more so the older I get.
I despise talking on the phone for no real reason. I do, however, adore email and getting to read blog postings, etc. For some reason this is far less intimidating to me. I am impatient, opinionated, and intolerant of cheaters, liars, and other such miscreants. I speak five languages. I am a caffeine junkie. Despite my Cuban blood I can't salsa. I have split ends. Sometimes I check the front door to make sure it is locked a little too compulsively. (Am I OCD, or is that just part of growing up in LA?) I'd rather eat cheese than chocolate. I am disciplined and hard headed. I wish I could read people's auras.
I hate cooking yet love eating. I am a neat freak and border on the obsessive. I am fiercely independant and have a huge personal space bubble. I believe in raising my son with the best nutrition, education, and discipline possible. My son is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I want to live in Tuscany. I love shopping but am also very frugal. I am thinking of going into real estate when my son is in school.
I am terrified of the supernatural yet strangely attracted to stories about it. I like the color green. I love animals and children. I believe in some conspiracy theories. I can admit to how hard it is to be a parent. I feel as though I may be coming down with the flu. I believe in feng shui. I am a culture freak. And I pray at the altar of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.....he was a god. I miss my friends every day. I admire my husband for rising out of so much adversity and being the man he is today. I admire my father for all that he has endured and still endures yet is able to maintain such a sweet composure.
I can be very sarcastic. I have a wacky sense of humor. I am not very graceful. I am shy but pretend not to be. I have to lie about my age all the time (for work). I prefer NY to LA. I hate sports. I take vitamins religiously even though I eat a little too much junk food. I wish I was debt-free, and pray for financial peace of mind. I am permanently bitten by the travel bug. I'm an emotional sap, and I want to help everyone all the time. I need a pedicure and a vacation.
I'm sure there are a lot more things that I can add to this, but I'm hungry so I am signing off. Book is closing.....