Wednesday, January 28, 2009

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things....

I have decided to start a series on this blog called "These Are a Few of My Favorite Things" that will include things that I absolutely abhor and that annoy me to the point of homicidal maniacdom.

Here is the first of many:

I love that no matter how wonderful your husband may be, there will ALWAYS be more toilet hairs and urine spots than you ever thought possible left on the toilet rim. These, of course, will only ever be cleaned by the lady of the house (unless she is lucky enough to be able to hire someone to do it for her.)

Y U C K.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Boogers and Pasta

My husband and I are both foodies, and from what we've been told we were great eaters even as kids. As a fashion model, I have always gotten to hear quips about how "we" don't eat more than parsley and toilet paper, but I'm the first to gorge myself on a prime rib buffet and not make a trip to bathroom in order to purge. My husband and I live and breathe for good eats and therefore should have kids that enjoy the culinary arts as well, right? Not really.

Both my son and daughter have the typical toddler and preschool dietary requirements of pasta, cheese, bread and anything sweet but will not touch meat (unless it is breaded and deep fried) with a 10 inch pole, nor are they ever willing and ready to try anything new. You can imagine the frustration behind this for a mom who wants her kids to have a healthy and varied diet....and once I do find something they both really enjoy, and run out to buy massive quantities of whatever that may be to ensure they don't run out until they are off too college, they are sure to decide it's "yucky" or "disgusting" the next time I try to serve them.

Now, all of this wouldn't be so bad (since I know most kids are like this) if it weren't for the fact that both of them get caught red handed during in depth nasal excavations which tend to lead to crunchy discoveries that are then promptly devoured. How is it possible to call a piece of delicious bbq steak "gross" and then turn around and indulge in boogers? And my soon to be 2 year old still chews on random crap but when presented with scrambled eggs she will gag until her eyes roll to the back of her head. Who are these strange little creatures? And should I just stop spending outrageous amounts of money at the supermarket and let them self-generate their meals by way of boogers, ear wax and scabs? It would save us a lot of money......

Monday, January 5, 2009

I Am Not a Woman Anymore

Last weekend I got called in to do a photoshoot for a few local wedding gown designers. I try to never turn down bookings because besides the compensation, it is always a nice break from my norm which consists of sweatshirts and dirty jeans (being a stay at home mom....I barely have time to pee much less make myself look good). During the shoot I had a glass of bubbly, talked to the crew and other models and reveled in getting to feel like an adult for a few hours.

After the shoot I came home in full hair and make-up and got a little compliment from the husband after which I said something to the effect of "Yeah, it's nice to get to feel like a woman again...". At this point, my 4 year old son, between heaping spoons of fishsticks and mashed potatoes says to me "But Mama! You aren't a woman....you're just a mommy!". Now, what do you say to that???

***Sigh**** I knew I left my womanhood on the delivery table along with the placenta 4 1/2 years ago. Have mercy.